I'd rather you were alive than a Hero

We have yet another fallen hero landing on base tomorrow.

We received the first service member's remains in February--on what was supposed to be the day of her engagement party, just a few days after she would have returned home from her third and last tour, had she lived. She was exactly my age and, like me, was an only child. Her body was escorted from Iraq by her fiance, also a service member; her parents stood at the flight line on the coldest day of the year and watched the honor guard load their only child's flag-draped casket into a hearse. I have since lost count of those who have begun their final journey home here. Tomorrow I will stand -- either at the flight line with members of my office, or on the sidewalk along the procession route with other base personnel -- in the driving rain, if the forecast can finally be trusted, with my hand pressed to my heart.

I can't shake the feelings of horror and wrongness about all of this. I am learning that I don’t care enough about some people, because I desperately want others to live—I guess that’s what my opposition means. I want this to be over—whatever happens over there when we leave. In increasing moments, I really don't care what happens over there anymore. I want young people with bright futures to stop coming to this base in caskets. I don’t know how earlier generations stood this—I look at those grieving families and can't help thinking the price is much too high.

When I was a teenager, I used to marvel at this Jewish proverb that said every time a life ended prematurely, a whole universe was utterly extinguished. I believed this because I hoped it meant that even I had immortal value. As an adult, I know it to be true. In the past three months, I have seen the end of too many universes, and it’s really getting to me.

I'll always remember Capt. Jennifer J. Harris

Food for thought: an article by Andrew J. Bacevich, a retired Army colonel and professor at Boston University.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/25/AR2007052502032.html